Journal and medication 

Journal and medication 

Good morning. At some point in our lives do we surrender to the aid of medication if we go on for too long not feeling like ourselves? I will find out for myself tomorrow !

5 things I am greatful for : 1.doctors 2.mothers 3.teachers 4.children 5.friends

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Journal Everyday

Journal Everyday

I really need to start journaling again everyday .  I was feeling better then I got busy, a new job, and a new life so I stopped. Well let’s catch up. My partner is now living in transitional housing at the VA. His usual name calling and deep cuts are still ever present each weekend he’s here with our children . He’s been sober over 100 days now, so I can’t blame the alcohol this time. I hate to let this dissolve but in all reality I feel it’s dissolved itself out over a year ago. I’m the one still hanging on.

5 things I am greatful for : 1.teachers 2.students 3. paras 4. supports 5. new cars

Journal & Law of Attraction 2

Journal & Law of Attraction 2

So I really need to start writing again everyday.  In other words I will start writing everyday again, starting today. I talked about LOA previously, mostly out of curiosity and of course some desire.  Well I was listening to a pod cast and picked up the name Losier. So I decided to get his book and see what he has to say. In his book he discusses 3 parts to LOA. I finally completed step 1, answering What Do You Want? I came up with 48 things. I decided to take my 48 wants with me wherever I may go to enhance my vibrations I send out to the Universe. So far, since I talked about LOA a few months back, things have been spectacular.  That is part why I slowed down on writing, but realized I need to do this everyday to keep going! Have a spectacular Monday!

5 things I am greatful for: 1.Freedoms, 2. Cell phones, 3. Puppys, 4. Life, 5. New people

Journal and being alone

Journal and being alone

First time in my life I don’t feel like I need to be with another person. I remember, 5 years ago, for about 18 months I began to feel content with being alone but let my head have control again. Well here I am. Going to bed alone at night is actually a good feeling. Taking a quiet shower without anxious feelings, is amazing! Learning what you really like, need, and then want… even better! In the last 90 days I feel like I have regained so much of me. I know there is still more to go but for now I am content. Of course making an extra 1,000+ a month also puts a person at ease as well. Change is good. 

5 things I am greatful for: 1. Peace 2. Quiet 3. Meditation 4. Fall 5. Teachers

Journal and sleeping

Journal and sleeping

Wow, I just slept for 10 hours! I don’t know the last time that ever happened. I was watching a movie with the kids at 7 and next thing you know I’m waking up at 11 with my gooey contacts stuck in my eyes. So I got up took them out, considered staying up for a bit, and decided nope I’m going back to sleep. See how I feel today, I expect to be feeling alive and full of energy. Bet my middle schoolers will love that! Haha. I’m always playing a good morning song or a good bye song for them. They act like they hate it but they always get up, sing, and dance! I love making learning fun. How else you going to get those test scores up. Of course I’m kidding.😉👊. In reality, kids need to have fun when at school, this makes learning happen so much easier. 

5 things I am greatful for: 1. Children 2. Schools 3. Showers 4. Toothbrush 5. Toothpaste 

Journal and over coming anger

Journal and over coming anger

How does one overcome anger that a trusted loved one stole the spirit of? Will I ever overcome the shame, regret, and failure of thought? Honestly it’s only been a little over 60 days that I’ve had my own thoughts. I think my anger is really hurt, pain, and sadness. I’m confused about what to forgive and where to hold the line. If someone did these acts to one of my children I would encourage them to move forward in life and not look back. I hear my mother’s pain and fear for me when I discuss going back. I am 1/2 a person right now. On one side everything is going so wonderful on the side with the equation I am depressed and living in a world of sorrow. I considered taking medication to help ease my terrible mind but should I? Will it help me feel whole again or is this something I will need to survive so I can come out stronger? 

5 things I am greatful for: 1. Medication 2. Movies 3. Children 4. Happiness 5. Teachers 

Journal and siblings 

Journal and siblings 

So I have 4 siblings. They are each twins. Boy/girl, boy/girl. I am the oldest. Yes rare, I agree. My older younger sister has always been or wanted to be “the princess” child. She took advantage of our step-father’s kindness and would take his whole wallet or money out of his wallet when he got paid so she could go buy herself stuff. Growing up she always had nice clothes and some jewelry. My brother, her twin, and I wore t-shirts and jeans. That doesn’t sound bad but these t-shirts were like Coca-Cola or weird shirts that were either free, team apparel from the school, or cheap. So to this day I feel I under-dress a lot of the time, but I don’t, I have very nice outfits. I look at my sister now and she still is in the “princess” mindset. Her husband does not treat her like a princess, not at all. Actually he treats her more on the manipulate spectrum. She falls for it every time. If anyone in the family gets “too close” to her, he lashes out (to her) and she to them. This creates an environment of security for him but a lot of family dispute and frustration for everyone else. I try to wrap my mind around her not understanding but I can’t. Please let me know if you know someone like this and what you do on those situations. I’d love to hear other stories. 

5 things I am greatful for: 1. Money 2. Alone time 3. Weekends 4. Holidays 5. Homework